Institutional Trust and the New British Cynicism I recently found myself thinking about a controversial refereeing decision in a football match. A defender was quite clearly shoved to the ground in his own penalty box by an attacking forward. Yet the attacker was not penalised. Even allowing for the fact that the ball was not in play, this seemed to me to be a clear and deliberate attempt to bring another player down. I can’t claim to be knowledgeable about the rules of football, so I set about finding out what they actually say. Read more
The BBC’s TV licence still works for many viewers, but iPlayer lacks a flexible way for streaming-first audiences to pay for the programmes they want. A subscription option could expand public service broadcasting without replacing the licence itself. Read more
A few days ago I came across an Australian comedian on YouTube called Randy Feltface. Since then I think I’ve watched every video he’s published there, and I’m still not bored! Read more
As if further proof were needed of either the universe’s ability to throw shit at me to deal with, or my ability to deal with whatever shit the universe decides to throw at me, I have acquired COVID-19. This is while being non-weight bearing on my right foot. Read more
In part 1 I told you all about my 2022. In part 2 I covered the operation I’ve had and the crackingly good time it was. I’ll now cover my recovery experience so far. Read more
In part 1 I told you all about my 2022. It was pretty long (both the year and the post) but you may want to read that first to make sense of my journey to being due in the hospital at 7am on December 14th. Read more
I was discharged from hospital yesterday (January 11th, 2023); I’ve been there since December 14th. This was the end of a challenging year because since February I’ve been wearing an orthopaedic boot or cast on my right foot and lower leg, with instructions to stay off it as much as possible. I’m now in the middle of at least a six-week recovery process after which I will hopefully be able to walk relatively normally again. Read more
I’m so over feeling like this. Read more
The Good Place has finished, and it was awesome. It was awesome after the first few episodes, didn’t falter at the end of season 1, and managed to remain mostly awesome through to the conclusion of the story. I won’t say it didn’t drag at times or that it didn’t have some questionable logic in places, but generally speaking it was a work of genius. Read more
I’ve written this as if I was making notes at the time but I’m actually writing it on January 1st a week after these events. If I mess up my tenses, that’s why. Read more
This is a story I started writing a little while ago but didn’t get very far. The working title is “The Last Chapter” and this first chapter is called “Beauty.” Read more
Why is diabetes so hard to manage? I was diagnosed with type II diabetes in early 2003 and since then I’ve been on something of a rollercoaster journey through “official” advice from medical practitioners, everything from sound hypotheses to way out there thoughts from the internet, and lots of well-meaning advice from friends and family. The problem is that hardly any of them agree on how the disease should be managed. Read more
I long to experience being alive. I long to stand up in the back of a pickup truck while speeding through a tunnel with a great song pumping out of the speakers as loud as it will possibly go without losing fidelity. Read more
I just can’t do it today. I wish I knew why but it is what it is. Read more
I’m so over feeling like this. From the constant dull throb in my head to the raw feeling in my anus, having diarrhea that causes you to soil your underwear with alarming regularity is not a fun way to spend a Sunday night, or a Monday morning. Read more
I’ve just watched the most powerful hour and nine minutes of television that I think I’ve ever seen. It popped up in my Netflix feed as popular in the United Kingdom and I can see why. Read more
Today I want to talk about the number three. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all Sesame Street on you, but I may get a little new agey. Read more
Today I have been mostly pondering the phrase, “an internet-worthy life.” I’m not sure why this thought popped into my head while in the shower this morning, but I think it has something to do with having started this blog. Read more
Why is self-care so hard for me? Of all my habits it’s the self-destructive tendencies that plague me the most. Read more
It’s that time of year again, when social media is full of inspirational messages encouraging everyone to make positive changes to their lives on the odd premise that the start of a new year is the ideal time to do so. A common quote that’s used for these messages is from Brad Paisley: Read more
Something’s not right; something is always not right. No matter what I do I can never shake the feeling that something’s not right. If it’s not money it’s my weight, and if my weight is acceptable it’s something else. There’s never enough time; there’s never enough money; there’s never enough love; there’s just never enough. What’s strange is the more I go after resolving the feeling that there’s never enough, the more I know there never will be. Read more
As the shutters come down on 2014 I’ve been thinking hard about the various things that have happened over the past twelve months, and I keep coming back to the fact that I just want to forget about them and move on. Read more
Today I shall mostly be feeling sorry for myself. I think as it’s the first time in nearly three weeks, I’m entitled. It will be three weeks ago this Wednesday that a series of decisions culminating in a somewhat life-changing event (albeit temporarily) resulted in the situation in which I currently find myself: laid up in hospital in a not insignificant amount of discomfort, unable to find a comfortable arrangement of me and my left leg that will afford me a moment of relaxation. Read more
A fair amount has happened this year, but at the same time it feels like the year has passed me by in the blink of an eye. From buying and moving in to a flat in London, to going to Paris to meet someone who’s made a bigger difference to my attitude and my photography than anyone else to date, this year has featured several significant shifts in my life. I could go into them in detail, but I don’t want to or feel the need. For the first time ever I have no desire to pore over everything that happened in the past twelve months. Read more
A little girl sat opposite me on the tube this morning, with her older brother, mother and father. As soon as they had sat down the mother had given her son some sort of tablet on which he proceeds to play games. This also entertains her daughter for a few minutes; she watches her brother intently as he battles bad guys in the virtual world he holds in his hands. But she soon gets bored. Read more
As I sit here in this place of utter tranquility I feel calm. The world feels so far away and my problems have stayed with it. Read more
After the rain has gone, The sun will shine. After the rain has gone, Things will be fine. Won’t they? Read more
Christmas has passed once more. Each year goes by, punctuated by this “holiday season,” yet it feels so inconsequential. So empty. Read more
Here I sit, at 8am on December 28th, 2011, on the bed in the spare room of a friend who lives in Troon. The wind howls past the window and anything not under the duvet feels refrigerated, which no doubt most people will know means that anything under the duvet feels nice and cosy. Read more
Plastic eyes With a vacant stare Nobody home Nobody there. Read more
The other morning I was driving to a client’s office and for most of the journey I could see at least one rainbow, and for part of it there were three on the horizon. This is pretty rare where I come from, so I found myself staring at them quite intensely. I played with my viewpoint (as much as one can while driving), seeing how I could affect these quintessentially subjective objects that appeared before me. As I turned a near-360 degree corner on my route I feared I might lose these intriguing spectacles only to find two more waiting to keep me company as I continued on my way. Read more
I feel like I wasted large parts of my childhood by going through the “standard” British education system. It wasn’t really until I went to university, and even then not until my second year, that I felt like I was doing something productive. I should sprinkle those statements with a note pointing out that my memories of my childhood are few so I don’t entirely trust the impression I have of that period, but the overwhelming recollection I have is of being bored and uninterested in most of what I was being asked to do. Read more
Today was day one of Guilfest 2011, and I’m sitting in a pub enjoying a quiet drink, reflecting on the day. There was good music, some questionable refreshments, and a whole lotta people. I know this post is probably going to make me sound like I’m too old to be going to festivals, and I’ve observed this curious behaviour in the past, but today obviously triggered something because when I sat down to make some notes about the day, this is what came out. Read more
A friend of mine recently told me that they’re getting bored a lot these days. This got me thinking… what exactly is boredom? Read more
Finally… proof my phone is spying on me! In the news this morning I found reports that iPhones running iOS 4+ are constantly logging their location. The security researchers who discovered the data file, which is synced when the phone syncs, have developed an app that shows you where your phone thinks you’ve been! Read more
I just had my first green smoothie, and I’m hooked. So simple to make, so tasty, and so filling. I got me a blender which arrived yesterday, read a few things about blending, went shopping last night and today I had a play. Read more
We glance back and say, “Look how far we’ve come” without realising that most change is only skin deep. Reflecting on the past year and a bit I feel like I’ve changed a lot, and yet not really very much at all. Read more
Am I broken? I thought I was Then you came along And showed me the truth The facts of the matter The crux of the issue Read more
Honesty; why is it so hard? That’s a more involved question than I have time to consider right now, but it arose out of a thought process that lead me to the following conclusion… Read more
It’s not, so I’m done with it now. Read more
Last Thursday morning I went to the doctor’s surgery for the first time in many months to deliver some urine and blood. It was my first time back there since I decided to stop taking all of my prescribed drugs, and it was probably the first time in my entire life that I was there because it’s what I wanted, not because I had been dragged there or thought I should be there. Read more
I can’t do anything tomorrow, or next week, or next year; I can only do something now. Read more
Time: late Location: somewhere in Guildford Mission: to train for two weeks walking around Australia Status: tired! Read more
I’ve just experienced dawn breaking through my window on a crisp Easter Sunday morning, but I wasn’t really paying attention. The birds sing their sweet song, yet I barely acknowledge their presence. You see, I’m lost in my own head, fighting with myself in an attempt to see clearly. Read more
I’m sitting in the grounds of Surrey University, next to either a large pond or a small lake. What I call it is unimportant. The wind dances across the surface of the water, playing artist with the sunlight. With a mild chill it traverses the landscape, skipping around the trees and through the grass. Read more
I wrote the following in Wagamama this evening. Tonight was the first time in my 33 years that I’ve gone out for a sit down meal on my own. I’ve done the fast food thing alone. I’ve done take out alone. A lot. But I’ve never gone to a restaurant, sat down and had a meal, alone. Read more
There’s a crispness about this place this time of year. A freshness that carries with it the promise of a new beginning. Read more
The self begins as a blank slate; an unblemished entity with unlimited capacity for love, harmony, and self-expression. A blank slate that’s ready to explore it’s new environment with explosive passion and unmatched enthusiasm. Read more
I’m far too fucked up at the moment to write anything meaningful. My head is full of different trains of thought, all vying for my focus and I’m completely failing to prioritise them effectively. Read more
Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror? Read more
Yesterday was my birthday; I turned 33. I don’t feel old, quite the opposite. I feel reborn. I feel like a new person. I feel like this is a new beginning for me. I feel empowered. Read more
Jamie was sat up in his bed staring at the door. He couldn’t believe it. Read more
Carol quietly closed the door behind her and took a deep breath. She was wondering whether she’d done the right thing; he seemed really disappointed and she didn’t like doing that to him. She walked as quietly as she could back to her bedroom. Read more
Staring at a blank page The words just fail to come Emptiness stares right back at me Expectantly. Read more
Words on a page Seem so strange. Read more
What’s your answer? Read more
He lay in his bed staring at the light fitting on the ceiling; his mind wandered aimlessly. What a week. He let out a long deep sigh. Read more
I was watching Neighbours on the gantry with the guys. You climbed up the ladder; there were no spare chairs. You sat on my lap. I froze, unsure how to react. Read more
Three months ago I quit my job, but I’m still here. Here’s why. Read more
Please note that in this post I am not suggesting anyone should stop taking any drugs their doctor has prescribed, I’m just telling my story and what’s worked for me. It might be dangerous for you to do the same so please consult your doctor before doing anything stupid. Read more
Ok, let’s not dance around the point… I’m a fat bloke. I’ve been saying yes to the above question, both out loud and in my head, for the best part of twenty years. Read more
I miss the way you’d always be excited to see me. Read more
Everything in life comes down to attitude. Live the right attitude and life will be better. The wrong attitude can be fatal. Read more
I usually hate posts like this, but 2007 marked the end of a difficult period for me and I’m more than happy to see it go. With that in mind I thought I’d review 2007 and look forward to what will hopefully be a very good 2008. Read more
I’ve previously posted about people sharing personal information on Facebook without any regard for their own privacy. On Friday the BBC ran a story about how young people could be damaging their future careers with details they put on social network sites. Read more
Recently there seems to have been an explosion in the use of Facebook to gather friends phone numbers following the loss/theft/change of mobile phones. This makes sense if you only have “real” friends on there. However, it makes me sad to see the number of people who are setting up groups to gather these numbers without paying due care and attention to the access rights. Read more
Further to my previous post on recruitment agencies I felt I had to post details of an exchange I had with an agent today because it is a great example of the attitude most recruitment agents have. Read more
My last boss has written a blog entry about my experiences with recruitment agencies during that employment. What Nick doesn’t mention is that in addition to the phone calls I was getting upwards of ten emails a day from them at one point. I had a boiler-plate reply asking them to remove me from their databases, and to let me know when they’ve done that. Read more
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