Archive: mental-health

As if further proof were needed of either the universe’s ability to throw shit at me to deal with, or my ability to deal with whatever shit the universe decides to throw at me, I have acquired COVID-19. This is while being non-weight bearing on my right foot. Read more

16 Jan 2023

Why I spent the holidays in hospital - Part 3

In part 1 I told you all about my 2022. In part 2 I covered the operation I’ve had and the crackingly good time it was. I’ll now cover my recovery experience so far. Read more

14 Jan 2023

Why I spent the holidays in hospital - Part 2

In part 1 I told you all about my 2022. It was pretty long (both the year and the post) but you may want to read that first to make sense of my journey to being due in the hospital at 7am on December 14th. Read more

11 Jan 2023

Why I spent the holidays in hospital - Part 1

I was discharged from hospital yesterday (January 11th, 2023); I’ve been there since December 14th. This was the end of a challenging year because since February I’ve been wearing an orthopaedic boot or cast on my right foot and lower leg, with instructions to stay off it as much as possible. I’m now in the middle of at least a six-week recovery process after which I will hopefully be able to walk relatively normally again. Read more

6 Feb 2020

Fed up (2020 edition)

I’m so over feeling like this. Read more

14 Feb 2019

Desperately seeking a wallflower moment

I long to experience being alive. I long to stand up in the back of a pickup truck while speeding through a tunnel with a great song pumping out of the speakers as loud as it will possibly go without losing fidelity. Read more

18 Dec 2018

Second Reality

I just can’t do it today. I wish I knew why but it is what it is. Read more

14 Oct 2018

Fed up

I’m so over feeling like this. From the constant dull throb in my head to the raw feeling in my anus, having diarrhea that causes you to soil your underwear with alarming regularity is not a fun way to spend a Sunday night, or a Monday morning. Read more

28 Jun 2018

Nanette

I’ve just watched the most powerful hour and nine minutes of television that I think I’ve ever seen. It popped up in my Netflix feed as popular in the United Kingdom and I can see why. Read more

20 Jun 2018

Three

Today I want to talk about the number three. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all Sesame Street on you, but I may get a little new agey. Read more

17 Jun 2018

An internet-worthy life

Today I have been mostly pondering the phrase, “an internet-worthy life.” I’m not sure why this thought popped into my head while in the shower this morning, but I think it has something to do with having started this blog. Read more

16 Jun 2018

Self-care

Why is self-care so hard for me? Of all my habits it’s the self-destructive tendencies that plague me the most. Read more

2 Jul 2015

Choice

Something’s not right; something is always not right. No matter what I do I can never shake the feeling that something’s not right. If it’s not money it’s my weight, and if my weight is acceptable it’s something else. There’s never enough time; there’s never enough money; there’s never enough love; there’s just never enough. What’s strange is the more I go after resolving the feeling that there’s never enough, the more I know there never will be. Read more

16 Mar 2014

Just, because

Today I shall mostly be feeling sorry for myself. I think as it’s the first time in nearly three weeks, I’m entitled. It will be three weeks ago this Wednesday that a series of decisions culminating in a somewhat life-changing event (albeit temporarily) resulted in the situation in which I currently find myself: laid up in hospital in a not insignificant amount of discomfort, unable to find a comfortable arrangement of me and my left leg that will afford me a moment of relaxation. Read more

14 Mar 2013

Morocco

As I sit here in this place of utter tranquility I feel calm. The world feels so far away and my problems have stayed with it. Read more

28 Dec 2011

Christmas for cynics

Christmas has passed once more. Each year goes by, punctuated by this “holiday season,” yet it feels so inconsequential. So empty. Read more

28 Dec 2011

Chilled

Here I sit, at 8am on December 28th, 2011, on the bed in the spare room of a friend who lives in Troon. The wind howls past the window and anything not under the duvet feels refrigerated, which no doubt most people will know means that anything under the duvet feels nice and cosy. Read more

9 Nov 2011

The end of my rainbow

The other morning I was driving to a client’s office and for most of the journey I could see at least one rainbow, and for part of it there were three on the horizon. This is pretty rare where I come from, so I found myself staring at them quite intensely. I played with my viewpoint (as much as one can while driving), seeing how I could affect these quintessentially subjective objects that appeared before me. As I turned a near-360 degree corner on my route I feared I might lose these intriguing spectacles only to find two more waiting to keep me company as I continued on my way. Read more

23 Nov 2010

Old habits die hard

We glance back and say, “Look how far we’ve come” without realising that most change is only skin deep. Reflecting on the past year and a bit I feel like I’ve changed a lot, and yet not really very much at all. Read more

23 Jul 2010

Calm

Am I broken? I thought I was Then you came along And showed me the truth The facts of the matter The crux of the issue Read more

27 Apr 2010

Honestly?

Honesty; why is it so hard? That’s a more involved question than I have time to consider right now, but it arose out of a thought process that lead me to the following conclusion… Read more

27 Apr 2010

How's that working for ya?

It’s not, so I’m done with it now. Read more

18 Apr 2010

Tomorrow is irrelevant

I can’t do anything tomorrow, or next week, or next year; I can only do something now. Read more

4 Apr 2010

Analysis paralysis and my inner voice of reasons

I’ve just experienced dawn breaking through my window on a crisp Easter Sunday morning, but I wasn’t really paying attention. The birds sing their sweet song, yet I barely acknowledge their presence. You see, I’m lost in my own head, fighting with myself in an attempt to see clearly. Read more

2 Apr 2010

Appreciation

I’m sitting in the grounds of Surrey University, next to either a large pond or a small lake. What I call it is unimportant. The wind dances across the surface of the water, playing artist with the sunlight. With a mild chill it traverses the landscape, skipping around the trees and through the grass. Read more

22 Mar 2010

The Wagamama effect

I wrote the following in Wagamama this evening. Tonight was the first time in my 33 years that I’ve gone out for a sit down meal on my own. I’ve done the fast food thing alone. I’ve done take out alone. A lot. But I’ve never gone to a restaurant, sat down and had a meal, alone. Read more

9 Mar 2010

Spring in England

There’s a crispness about this place this time of year. A freshness that carries with it the promise of a new beginning. Read more

27 Feb 2010

Reflections

The self begins as a blank slate; an unblemished entity with unlimited capacity for love, harmony, and self-expression. A blank slate that’s ready to explore it’s new environment with explosive passion and unmatched enthusiasm. Read more

27 Jan 2010

Fucked up

I’m far too fucked up at the moment to write anything meaningful. My head is full of different trains of thought, all vying for my focus and I’m completely failing to prioritise them effectively. Read more

16 Jan 2010

Mirrored

Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror? Read more

15 Jan 2010

Goals for 2010

Yesterday was my birthday; I turned 33. I don’t feel old, quite the opposite. I feel reborn. I feel like a new person. I feel like this is a new beginning for me. I feel empowered. Read more

29 Nov 2009

Who are you?

What’s your answer? Read more

7 Nov 2009

Identity

He lay in his bed staring at the light fitting on the ceiling; his mind wandered aimlessly. What a week. He let out a long deep sigh. Read more

24 Oct 2009

I miss you

I miss the way you’d always be excited to see me. Read more

22 Oct 2009

Attitude

Everything in life comes down to attitude. Live the right attitude and life will be better. The wrong attitude can be fatal. Read more